CRUISING RETURNS TO VAN NUYS BLVD.

The Backyard of L.A. The Treaty of Cahuenga, ending the Mexican–American War fighting in Alta California, was signed in 1847 by Californios and Americans at Campo de Cahuenga, the Verdugo Family adobe at the entrance to the Cahuenga Pass in the southeast San Fernando Valley (North Hollywood). – Wiki And yet…. …there is still no treaty governing the rush hour traffic at the Barham Boulevard exit of the Hollywood Freeway. It’s still war out there. Territorial in terms of stay in your lane! Literally. One of the daily frustrations of living in Los Angeles for as long as I have lived here is that every single day you get to see history swept under the rug and overlaid with fresh concrete, new developments, and neon smoke signals. The fact is that if Angelinos knew (let alone understood) their own city’s actual history, they might feel a little more connected to it. 38 cities, towns, and villages The term “the valley” covers vast territory. Los Angeles, Valley Village, Hidden Hills, San Fernando, Glendale, Calabasas, Burbank, Universal City, and Topanga, make up the list of incorporated cities, with unincorporated areas of Kagel, Hickson, and Garnsey are just a few. Each with their own self-identifier qualities. Read the full list of San Fernando Valley cities. Multi-Personalities “The Valley” has taken a mix of insulting hits and flowery compliments throughout the last 50 years of Hollywood movies, television, and music industry. Sometimes it’s romanticized, such as in P.T. Anderson’s Magnolia and other times it’s horrified, as in Anderson’s Boogie Nights, and other times it’s “Stupidized” and, particularly in the 1982 Frank Zappa / Moon Zappa song “Valley Girl” and the 1983 film Valley Girl . Probably the best filmic depicter of Valley Life is Cameron Crowe, who in his 1982 Fast Times at Ridgemont High , truly showed the Valley as a real place. Anxious and horny teenagers living in the 70’s, an updated version of George Lucas’ 1973 American Graffiti , which was set in Northern California, but really doubled for the cool car cruising of Van Nuys Boulevard in the same way the 1970 movie M.A.S.H. , which was set during the Korean War, was really about Vietnam. “Fast Times” showed the last vestiges of modern Americana, a real Main Street USA, but instead of the hardware store run by “old Joe”, it’s overrun with the culture of teenager hustle and self-discovery. Whatever the Valley really is, it seems to constantly be trying to recover from it’s “little brother” image of “L.A.” which lies (in both senses of the word) just over the hill. For Sure Valley Economy Chopping Mall star and “scream queen” Keli Maroney https://www.slashfilm.com/552473/hdtgm-chopping-mall-interview/ Although virtually invisible, the Valley is widely recognized as the home of the porn industry. The Valley competes with other famous industry valleys such as Silicone Valley in the north, best known for the microchip boom of the 80’s. (There’s a joke connecting the two in there somewhere, but we don’t have time.) Historically Valley centric industries have been the aerospace industry and movies and television. Lockheed and Rockettdyne are two, the second one reminding me of the fictional aerospace company in one of my favorite comedies of all time, Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension. The evil fictional company was Yoyodyne. Television studios include the major three: ABC, CBS, AND NBC . Film studios include Burbank Studios and Disney Studios. Probably the major cultural center of the Valley is the Galleria, which has been the center filming point for such classics as the much loved slasher Chopping Mall . George Clooney, Samuel Jackson, Will Smith and Kim Basinger all have Valley homes. Though George spends most of his time at his Italian villa and Smith owns a slapping studio on Ventura Blvd. (NOT! Just comedy, folks!) Other Valley celebrity residents (in particularly Encino) include Selena Gomez (who paid $4.9 million for Tom Petty’s old house), Channing Tatum, Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Dorit Kemsley and Teddi Mellencamp, and NBA baller Tristan Thompson . Back in the day, cowboy couple Roy Rogers and Dale Evans had horse ranches in Encino and Chatsworth. Their 1944 film Republic Pictures San Fernando Valley romanticized all the classic stuff of those Westerns we love so much. Adventure in the Wild Wild West, fighting the bad guys and of course romance. And by romance, I mean, of course, a man and his horse. “Head ’em off at the Victory Boulevard overpass!”

There’s an old joke. An old Jewish couple tell their children they’re moving back to the old country: Oh! Is it nice? Nice? NICE? As a matter of fact, it’s … Van Nuys!

Seems everyone these days has something to sell. After all, this is the Valley. Whether it’s a screenplay or a headshot, everyone’s got something under their arm. Selling the future. That’s what all that is. But what about selling the past? Things from your past. Things from someone else’s past? Things they no longer value and you may just find inspiration in. Yard sales have been around since General George Armstrong Custer had a little tiff with the local indigenous people, then realized he should get outta the hero business. With real estate prices through the proverbial roof as well as trending “clear out your life” rituals, yard sales are really the smart man’s high end auction house. Only without the bidding. From Balboa Boulevard to Vineland, it’s no big feat to see random paper notices on telephone polls touting “the biggest yard sale like ever!”, and frankly, like the screenplay that will blow Hollywood away, those tend to be disappointingly small, sparse, and no matter what time you get there, you are always greeted with “Sorry, you shoulda been here earlier…” The best yard sales are the quiet ones. The ones that hardly advertise, but therein lies the rub. How do you find them? Driving from Beverly Glen Boulevard to San Fernando Road, we counted no less than 10 yard sales one Sunday morning. Everything from an official Navy accordion to creepy turn of the century porcelain dolls. All you’d need to create your own Twilight Zone episode. If you and your partner are freshly moved into your little love shack up on Winnetka and need some temporary furniture, the best thing is to get up early on Sunday and a hunting we will go. “Yard Sale Treasure Map” available for download on Google Play is one way to modernize and streamline the process, but this blog cannot vouch for its efficacy. The key is to fill the tank up with gas and have plenty of cash on hand. I’ve found what works for me are more ones, then tens and twenties and never bring anything bigger than that. I once purchased a genuine replica 18 th Century Musket I found just off Victory Boulevard for just $17.76, which I found rather ironic. For your money, you can find perfectly good pieces of used furniture, Persian rugs, cool promotional mugs and the odd gas mask. Most of the items are not price labeled, so you need to ask how much and once you hear they want 50 for that nifty antique love chair, come back right away with: “I love it!” Then look longingly at your partner. “We’ve been together one year today!” Turn to the yard sale person, look them right in the eye and with all deliberate seriousness, say: “Will you take 35?” Don’t even make it a question. They’ll probably say 40 and then you’re on your way. Okay, so maybe no bidding, but I never said anything about haggling! For 818 Cash for Cars, this is your car style advice guy, Steven Alan Green

Studio City Multi-Tasking Geniuses I remember when multi-tasking while driving was considered changing CD’s. No wait. Let’s be honest. Cassette tapes. Okay, 8-track. Compared to today’s daily driving ritual, changing music while steering and watching the road is primitive. Today, everything in life – our conversations, our own thoughts, and yes, driving, has taken a backseat to our smart phones. I’m sure I’m not the only one and in fact, every so often there is a tragic story of some nice housewife who died on a train track waiting for the Bed, Bath and Beyond website to upload. I understand. A good deal on towels is important. Driving The Valley Lazy It’s a grey area for the law, but distracted driving is clearly black and white. The cops have a right and should pull you over if they sense you’re not in the present world of driving. Seeing you engaged in the deep world of online stuff, no matter if it’s searching for an open restaurant, they will nail you, as they should. Me, being a writer, my mind is constantly going. I’ll be on the road and suddenly a new idea for a screenplay or simply a great Tweet will occur to me. I will pull over and park. I don’t care if it makes me a little late. I have decided the idea in my head is more important and so is my safety and everyone else’s. Ventura Boulevard Movement Maybe it’s the music that comes on the radio or a news report or you pass an intersection which brings back subconscious memory and triggers your deeper thinking creative mind strategies, but for me, driving stimulates ideas. Like working out at the gym. Physical movement gets my mind going. It’s like when I moved from L.A. to New York. Suddenly 25 years of being in a car was now replaced by walking this giant myriad of concrete structures, this mysterious canyon of people and ideas and commerce. Not so much on a flight. Even though I’m moving much faster, it seems slower. Time to sleep, read or watch a film. Not for strategic creative thinking, which is what I’m good at. However; driving along Ventura Boulevard does move my mind. Searching on Google Maps is one thing; checking Facebook is another, but writing an email to a colleague, while you’re at a stoplight is almost okay, but I wouldn’t advise it. You may be in the middle of a thought then awoken out of it by the impatient honking of the guy behind you. The Drive of the Valley But, it’s perhaps driving in the San Fernando Valley which is such a unique experience. In some ways it’s like living in a small suburban town which sits in the middle of one of the world’s biggest metropolis. Studio City is just this nice section of the Valley you can find great restaurants and shops and still find quiet off the grid streets where the cutest of homes live. And, yet, Studio City is a showbiz town. CBS Studio Center (aka Radford Studios) is right here, where they shot Mary Tyler Moore, Gilligan’s Island, and even going way back to the Keystone Cops. Right across the street from Trader Joes. I called 818 Cash for Cars The mind is mysterious thing. It can look for answers even if we don’t know there’s even a question. Things can plague us. Those things we want to take care of but never do. I had a car I loved, literally to death. I drove it cross country three times and it was just sitting in my driveway like an ex-wife. It’s visage nagging me incessantly. Finally, I decided to do something about it. I called 818 Cash for Cars. Within an hour and a half, a rep was at my house with cash in hand and all I had to do was sign a few forms and hand them over the keys. Easiest thing I’ve done all day. You can really get lost on those little smart phones and ironically they can easily block out the larger world outside your car. Do yourself a favor and pull over, park, then look at your phone. Be safe out there. Sag 

Your Personal Soundtrack  If you’re like me, you worry about everything. Especially when it comes to your car. Living in a city like Los Angeles, you’re gonna live half your life in your car. And, when you’re not in your car, you’re gonna be worrying about it, paying for it, keeping it healthy, safe and running. The right music can make the difference. Image Conscious Driving It’s hard in LA if you’re image conscious and who isn’t. Let’s face it. For me? It’s all about getting from point A to point B. I’ve lived in cities around the world, like New York, San Francisco, London, where having private transportation is actually a deficit, not an advantage. Streets are too small, parking a job unto itself and why bother when you live in major cities with state of the art public transportation. Unfortunately, L.A. really hasn’t had fully functioning public transportation system since forever. You Aren’t What You Drive I’ve had the honor of owning all sorts of cars in my day. And whether it was a beater I had to drive between big pay-days or a leased Beamer, I’ve had the experience of always seeing someone else with a better car. It’s natural. And, if your car ain’t up to snuff; if there’s some body work needed doing or it just doesn’t have the juice you want to feel under your feet, you can always turn to music. The Right Music Having the right music playing can take your head space to a place where the type of car you have doesn’t matter. A decent sound system and these days you can plug your smart phone in and listen to whatever you want. I love soundtrack music. Trainspotting is a great one. The combination of random selections from Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Pulp, Primal Scream, Blur and more, makes for a great drive. Good music on the box in my car elevates me to that great feeling of freedom and inspiration. I can tackle anything. Even gridlock on the 405. Enjoy Pulp’s Mile End from the movie soundtrack Trainspotting. Drive safe, Steven Alan Green 5/24/17

The other side of the hill I grew up in Beverly Hills. The “poor” section between Wilshire and Olympic. We were so poor I only had a $10,000 limit on my credit cards. You know how embarrassing that was for me in first grade? To us, the Valley didn’t exist. The Valley was foreign land. The only time we ever went to the Valley was to attend an event at Sportsman’s Lodge . I found out later on the San Fernando Valley has many awesome attributes and is also home of some of the most creative people in L.A. The literally cooler side of the hill. New hip hamlets such as West Hollywood morphed from being a seedy secret hang for the then disenfranchised Gay community to one of the most sought after real estate booms in the country. Neighborhoods change and gentrify. Towns evolve into cities. Los Angeles is fun, but it’s hectic! Just two months ago I was mulling over a couple of invites to move to the desert. LA had gotten to me and I felt like I needed to explore other terrain. Maybe Joshua Tree was where my future beckoned. A chance to redefine my spirit and to literally get back to the best teacher of all: Nature. I was all set to move, when an opportunity came up to live and to work in Studio City. So I took it. Not ten minutes from Hollywood Studio City gives me the desert-like sun as well as the much quieter pace than busy cut-throat traffic and parking of Los Feliz or Westwood. The entire south Valley as a matter of fact is much more built for the car. The streets are much wider. There are much less strict parking ordinances and land is cheaper. And because land is cheaper, there are a zillion great little family run restaurants all over the place. Ethnic foods from Armenia to Timbuktu. You should try some, I’ll write about great Valley food experiences soon. Not over the hill Now when I go over the hill, I go with purpose. Whether it’s to meet a fellow writer, record in the studio or to perform stand up comedy, I go with glee. With definition and a good take on the traffic I’m gonna have to cut through to zip back to my cozy little apartment in my new hometown: The Valley. I just love it here. I feel younger. Definitely happier. And that worries me. Steven Alan Green, SAG in SFV! 5/22/17